{"id":8026,"date":"2010-03-08T08:43:29","date_gmt":"2010-03-08T13:43:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.nomeatathlete.com\/?p=8026"},"modified":"2019-10-23T13:58:58","modified_gmt":"2019-10-23T17:58:58","slug":"coffee-talks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nomeatathlete.com\/coffee-talks\/","title":{"rendered":"Java Joe checks in"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi, my name is Joe.\u00a0 Chances are, we’ve already hung out today.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because you tell yourself you can’t get through the day without me.\u00a0 When someone dares suggest that you stop drinking me every day, you get a little irked.\u00a0 You certainly don’t consider the possibility of actually quitting me; in fact, you’re just a little bit proud that we’re so close.<\/p>\n

\"Blonde

You know you love me.<\/p><\/div>\n

No, you won’t stop drinking me.\u00a0 You pay careful attention to what you eat and you’re sure to get your exercise.\u00a0 But when someone tells you I’m not good for you, well, that’s going too far.\u00a0 Even if it’s true, it doesn’t matter.\u00a0 I’m the one part of your diet that’s nonnegotiable.\u00a0 Funny, when someone feels that way about any other substance, we call it an addiction.\u00a0 We get them help.<\/p>\n

Everyone loves Joe!<\/h3>\n

But nobody worries about a good-old addiction to Joe.\u00a0 I get a pass, because everyone drinks me.\u00a0 I’m legal.\u00a0 And I’ve got a lot of money behind me to make sure nobody catches on that I’m sort of harmful.\u00a0 That I make you age faster.\u00a0 That I aggravate all kinds of other conditions, and just might be the cause<\/em> of lots of your little health problems.\u00a0 Heart disease, bowel problems, ulcers, anxiety, depression, even reproductive issues.\u00a0 But don’t worry about those.\u00a0 And let’s not harp on that whole “quietly sucking away your energy under the guise of an innocent pick-me-up” thing.<\/p>\n

You feel good for a little while after you drink me because I play a nifty trick on your body.\u00a0 I make you think you’re under stress, so that your system speeds up.\u00a0 You start thinking faster — not in a relaxed, creative way, but in a way that might help you in a fight.\u00a0 If you’ve got anything going on that’s bothering you, I help you forget about that for a while.\u00a0 No time for moping, you’re in a fight!<\/p>\n

Oh that’s right, you’re not.\u00a0 You’re sitting in your car, surfing the web, or listening to the radio.\u00a0 So all this excess stimulation serves to make you feel happy and alert.<\/p>\n

Joe’s dark secret<\/h3>\n

So, we’re friends, right?\u00a0 Then you won’t mind my sharing a horrible secret with you.\u00a0 Ready?\u00a0 Here it is: I don’t really have anything in me you can burn for energy, so that boost you get is all you.\u00a0 You’ll have to pay it back later.\u00a0 Lucky for me though, by then you’ve moved on.\u00a0 You’re thinking about work, or the grocery store, the bills, or your secretary.\u00a0 When the crash comes — and it MUST come — you’ve forgotten that maybe I’m to blame.\u00a0 Must be that big lunch or all the stress of your job that made you so tired.\u00a0 Certainly not a little drink like me you had six hours ago, right?<\/p>\n

\"SadWhen you wake up the next day, you might feel like you didn’t sleep all that well.\u00a0 My bad on that one too.\u00a0 But remember how good I can make you feel?\u00a0 So rather than cutting ties, letting this be the end, you come back for more.\u00a0 A booty call, of sorts.<\/p>\n

And so it goes.\u00a0 You drink more and more of me.\u00a0 You always get tired now.\u00a0 Your body has gotten used to me, so you need to drink even more, just to feel yourself.\u00a0 You forget how much energy you had before I came along.\u00a0 Sometimes it seems strange to think you lived for years before you even tried me.<\/p>\n

But the antioxidants!<\/h3>\n

But I’m here to stay now.\u00a0 If you try to stop, you get a headache.\u00a0 Lest you get any heroic ideas of putting up with a few miserable days to free yourself from my grasp, <\/em>keep this in mind: I have antioxidants! <\/em>Can’t get those anywhere else, right?\u00a0 Oh, that’s right, since you’re an NMA reader you probably eat pretty well and get lots of those from fruits and veggies.\u00a0 And they don’t have any poison in them!\u00a0 Well..err… forget that and focus on the headache.<\/p>\n

Please don’t stop drinking me.\u00a0 I hardly know Matt anymore.\u00a0 Sure, we still hang out a few times a week, but when we do, I feel like only a third or a quarter or some other random percentage<\/a> of my former self.\u00a0 We just don’t jive anymore.\u00a0 He goes on and on about how he’s beginning to realize he doesn’t need me.\u00a0 That when he unknowingly drinks my lame-ass sister Deanna Kathleen (we call her Dee Kath), he feels just as good, without the anxiety afterward.\u00a0 I’m all in his head, he says.\u00a0 Well Matt, you smell bad.<\/p>\n

Look, you and I have known each other for a while now, and we both know how much you depend on me.\u00a0 How I help you get out of bed in the morning, and how the day doesn’t start until we hang out.\u00a0 You need me.\u00a0 I’m your friend.<\/p>\n

I can trust you not to quit your old pal Joe, right? \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi, my name is Joe.\u00a0 Chances are, we’ve already hung out today.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because you tell yourself you can’t get through the day without me.\u00a0 When someone dares suggest that you stop drinking me every day, you get a little irked.\u00a0 You certainly don’t consider the possibility of actually quitting me; in fact, you’re just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8042,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-8026","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-motivation","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCoffee talks<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Coffee - the good, the bad, the dark. 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